What have I done wrong?
by Insanity.World.Freedom
Summary: Eh... Basically it is a depressing story about Belarus. She and Toris are together and she thinks back to the horrible act she did to herself that got them together accidentally. The story is centered around this phrase: Everyone keeps telling me the right guy will come around, but mine got hit by a bus. Oneshot.


Everyone keeps telling me the right guy will come around, but mine got hit by a bus. I've searched everywhere but I still cant find them. What have I done wrong?

No one is a virgin anymore because life screws us all.

I remember the day that I thought I found my savior.

Bright morning light shone down from the autumn sky. It wasnt too cold, yet it was still warm from left over summer heat. Leaves crunched beneath our feet and our hands were enertwined. I was truely happy, for the first time in a long time.

"See Natalia? I told you this would be fun." said Toris smiling at me cheerfully. I just nodded and laid my head on his shoulder. He blushed and I smiled slightly. The warm sunlight filtered through the trees and to the forest ground. Cold wind blew occasionally but I had my Toris there to keep me warm. I remembe the day he saved me from myself. That was the start of our relationship.

It was cold, hardely any warmth left in my body. My window was open to the harsh weather outside. Snow fell softly to the cold ground, masking everything in white. Life there was either dead or hibernating. I wish I was dead, like the trees outside and to be reborn in the spring to be beautiful again. No such thing, that was only meaningless hope that only stupid people believed in. I am not stupid, nor do I consider myself a person. I am a monster. Brother believes that too. I have no one and I am alone in this dark world. Alone in the dreadful wind, rain, and snow. Left out on the porch like yesterday's news.

Am I not good enough for Ivan? Am I not pretty enough? Did I do something wrong? I just want to spend my life with someone special. Is that too hard to ask? Apparently so. That is why I carry this knife to slit my own throat. To cut at my wrists and at my heart. But do I have a heart? It has been frozen and unbeating for so long I cannot remember.

I shivered in the dark, carving into my body for what seemed like eternity. The pain, I could not feel for the freezing, bleeding sadness in the empty hole in my chest was greater. Brother had ripped it out so many times I cannot count them all. Suddenly my door opened and someone stepped inside. It was Toris.

"N-Natalia?!" Toris dropped the tray of tea he held, suprised at the blood that coated my skin and dress. Some was flecked in my light blonde hair. He rushed to my side and took my arm, examining this.  
"D-Did you do this?" He asked, tears filling his eyes. I nodded, my expression not changing from the blank coldness.

"Why would you do this?" Toris asked, taking away my knife. I did not object for I was a meaningless toy a child had left outside that got dirty. My limbs were broken, my hair and clothes soiled with rain water and mud. My child had abandoned me and I was unloved.

"Why?" I echoed "Because I do not deserve to live. Life is only beautiful because some people are ment to suffer. I am one of those people Toris." I said in monotone. He hugged me suprisingly and my cheeks heated up. "I love you! I care! Dont harm yourself!" He said in a squeeky voice, clinging to me tightly.  
What did he mean? Is he lying? I shook my head confused "You must be mistaken or confused." Toris ran his fingers through my long hair, still clinging to me tightly. "Yes I do! I adore you! Dont do this! I-I can help you!"

I frowned at those memories that got us together. Toris looked down at me concerned "Is anything wrong Natalia?" I shook my head and smiled slightly "Just thinking of you..." He smiled and we started to cross the street so that we may get some coffee or hot chocolate at the corner shop. Suddenly I heard a screeching noise and I was pushed away from my love and fell on the side walk. I blinked a couple of times to process what happened.

My love... Dead on the ground. Blood pooled around him. He wasnt breathing. I rushed to him and hugged him "Toris!" He opened his eyes, blood dribbling out of his mouth. Toris smiled slightly and raised a shaking arm to pet my head. Tears flooded down my face as I clung to him.

"N-Natalia... I lo-love you..." And he was gone all too soon. Toris, my savior, my lover, my boyfriend, and my soon to be husband. Dead. Ran over by a bus. You think I was joking before? I was not. I used to believe in God. Key word, USED to. What do I believe in now? I believe I should have ended my life sooner.


End file.
